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The Pursuit of Happiness

"When we least expect it, life sends us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A moment is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny". - Paulo Coelho

Some days are easy; waking up and going about my day is second nature. There is little to any thought about it and what it holds; I wake up ready to conquer and I do! And then others....each minute is a victory, because damn it, life sucks and things get hard. I struggle to keep myself together; at work, in my car, at the store, at home with my kids or when I'm alone. Sometimes I am overwhelmed and everything hits me. I still cry and today is no exception.
My thoughts wander....to my past. Decisions that were made, some that weren't. Second-guessing what I did, what I could have done, what I should have done and what I didn't do. I have a…

BRAVE

"That's why we have to start. That's why we have to go first. That's why we have to be brave - so that other will be inspired to be brave along with us. We can be brave because we were always meant to be brave." - Annie Downs
Sitting on the couch, having deep conversation and relationship with my dearest friend Chelsea, we discussed how the men in our lives seem to live in fear. They are controlled by the fear that this one decision in their life might change things; this XYZ decision could be the best thing that ever happened and could change their life in such a way that they'd be the strongest, best version of themselves they were meant to be. Yet those whispers of fear are loud enough to keep them stagnant. She and I are choosing the opposite though; we are choosing to be brave. It's scary as shit! We have no clue what our future holds; who it holds! But that unknown is better than the alternative; paralyzed by fear. Because that, that dead and barre…

I love the person I've become, because I fought to be her.

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Survivor: 1. A person who has coped brilliantly with life's challenges.  2. One who has remained determined to keep moving forward, one day, one step at a time.   (See also: defiant, gritty, strong-willed, courageous)
I posted on my Instagram yesterday about my meditation...the focus was about being in the now. When we focus on our past, it tends to manifest itself into depression. When we focus on the future, it usually is anxiety. We need to try and focus on being in the present, the here and now. Because once we do that, everything else will work itself out. So simple, yet so insanely difficult to do.
Sidebar to this - meditation. Can I just say, I have NO idea what I'm doing here. However, I did download an app (I do love this tech savvy generation) for it and I must admit, I am hooked. Even if it is just a placebo, it's helping! I find it so important to actually take time for ME. When was the last time you actually did that? Not, "oh I'm going to do somethin…

The Rising Sun

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As I was brushing my teeth tonight, I kept thinking of ways to describe what I'm feeling...here is what I came up with: Have you ever.....experience the gut wrenching feeling of misplacing a child? The shear panic that hits your body like a bucket of water was just poured over you and you don't know which way to turn, whether to scream or run?  Have you ever had the feeling of walking outside on the morning/evening of the coldest day you can remember: it's pitch black, oh-so-silent and peaceful, the air burns your nose it's that cold, and breathing kind of hurts?  Have you ever been sad, so utterly grieved that you can't stop crying, you cough and almost throw up because your body is trying to breathe yet also mourn a gut-wrenching tragedy to the point you nearly pass out?  Have you ever been on a roller coaster, where you're laying back, hearing the click-click-click sound as you ascend up into the sky and you suddenly get the feeling of "why did I do thi…

Healing is a choice...a really hard one

My how times have changed. There has been an insane amount of shit that has happened since my last post, I wouldn't even know where to begin! So let's start with now....
I want to write about me, my thoughts and feelings, emotions, etc. stuff that sometimes people shut down and lock away and never want to bring forth. Why? Mostly because it helps me to write down and get out what I'm thinking. I've always been that way and I guess I don't see me changing now. Second, I'm hopeful that some of what I'm going through, others can relate to, and can then share their stories. I need encouragement. I need honestly. I need others to help me heal and grow and love!

I realize that my journey, and the people in it, have families and lives and people who care about them. I too am one of those people. I'm not here to point fingers or throw stones and condemn others for being worse than myself. We all have sin, we all have shit we wish we could take back. We all (hop…

Take a stand

Holy balls...it has been nearly a year since my last post. Wow. I think I've been busy but I don't remember the last time I sat down...

I was having a moment this morning and I felt the need to pen some thoughts down because at some point in the future, when I have time to sit, I will reflect on them and I will feel better.

Confession: I keep a diary. Ha! Not a traditional one, but I have a diary that I started when I had Avery. I write notes to her whenever I can, so that eventually she will have a book of wisdom from the wisest mom ever. I think my note could be something we all might learn from, so here is what I said:

Avery,
I don't want to be all "girl power/feminist" with what I'm about to say, but, I am. I've been hearing a lot lately about women in the work place and it got me thinking... While I realize I am not a career woman, I do have a job that I'm just not getting paid for. Yet there are loads of other women who do in fact have careers (…

Hello World...here's an update

I definitely have been so busy that I completely forgot that I actually had a blog. For those of you that follow it, or for anyone who cares, here is an update of what is happening in the world of The Mason Bunch:

1. Isaiah is 14months old now. He still isn't walking but he has at least taken several steps. I'm kind of discouraging it, though I haven't actually shoved him down. I know as soon as he figures it out, my world will change and I'm not ready yet. He is talking so much and I'm in awe of how many words he knows already, especially compared with Avery at this age. His 2 favorite words and signs are "more" and "milk". His favorite food is probably avocado. Favorite toy is his blanket, which he calls "bobby". His favorite thing to do is climb...he will try and climb anything and everything. Ugh.

2. Avery is really big into pretending to be a doctor right now. For awhile, she was using her tool set to fix us. After she tried shovi…